Shh! I’m going to talk about something unmentionable. It’s something we all have to do it but we don’t really like to talk about it. Is it the washing up? No, that’s what dishwashers are for. Is it going to the toilet? No, poo is a perfectly acceptable topic for conversation, particularly when you are British and drunk. Is it sex? Of course it’s bloody not. Erotica is a massive seller on Amazon, although I’m not entirely sure that Fifty Shades of Grey is the best colour to chose when writing soft porn but hey, they’ve sold more novels than me so who am I to criticise.
It’s making money. You see, although we all have dreams of making as much dosh as J K Rowling, last month I made the grand total of £34.71 from my Amazon sales. Not that I’m complaining, I appreciate it and it will keep me in giant chocolate buttons for a while but I don’t think the Inland Revenue will be hunting me down anytime soon. The plain fact is, as much as I would love to write full time I can’t afford it as I like having a flat, owning a car and eating every day. So I have something called a job because otherwise I would have to live in a cardboard box, use a supermarket trolley to get around and rummage in bins for food. And I’d have nothing to play my Avengers DVDs on.
You may have noticed from my blog intro that I have a secret job so I have to be a bit circumspect when talking about work. I would love to say that I work for M15 or Special Branch in the police and that I have multiple identities. Then I’d get to meet people with funny accents on a park bench and say things like, ‘the nightingale is yawning’ and exchange briefcases, whilst also having a passionate affair with someone who has a dark and mysterious past. Oh hang on, that’s Fifty Shades of Grey again.
It’s nowhere near as glamorous as that. You see, I work in a large building with small and often annoying people. And they’re not dwarves. Get it? Let’s just say that a certain Mr Gove is not one of my favourite people. It’s a shame that the powers that be aren’t too keen on us using social media because there are some very funny stories that come from where I work. The thing is, although I am probably average at my job, I have to fit writing around work rather than work around writing. Not that I would dream of drifting off into a daze and planning a new story in my head during a boring meeting; usually the ones where they use the words, ‘cohort’ or ‘strategy’ zzzzzzzz.... But then I get to rush home from the madhouse, open my laptop and write away because whether I ever make it or not, it gives me another world to escape to. And there is always that glimmer of hope that one day, I’ll be able to tell Mr Govey-baby that he can shove his job up the annals of power. Oh dear, I think I just have.
So I wonder dear readers, what do you do to pay the rent and how do you fit your writing endeavours around work?
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