My owner: she with the blond hair, giver of the sunflower seeds and my only way out of this stupid cage, is watching the tennis. As she is sipping a glass of Prosecco and watching men ‘tossing balls around a court’ – her words not mine, she’s left me to update her blog. I’m a hamster with a netbook and I’m going to interview her good indie author pal’s new detective character. He’s got black fur, he’s a frustrated artist and he’s got paws. It’s Leger, the cat sleuth, and I bring you a world first: a hamster interviewing a cat. He’s here to promote his owner’s new story available on Amazon, The Leger Mysteries by the brilliant indie author Lacey Dearie. I hope he realises that I’m writing an interview about him, before he realises I’m prey ...
Leger, you’re described as a cat sleuth, what motivated you to become an investigator?
Hello, so wonderful to be here doing my first interview for you and I promise not to eat you, even though you look mighty appetising *licks lips*. I suppose my motivation was rather selfish. I was bored and I needed a purpose in life. An artist needs to have a wealth of experiences to draw from when sculpting and I wasn't fulfilled by the naps, tabbies and hunting any longer. The catnip did give me some trippy moments but they weren't enough. I'm far too intelligent to spend my whole life without a real purpose.
Now being a hamster journalist, I find reaching the keys on my owner’s netbook a bit of a challenge, but I manage. How does being a cat help in investigations - are there any difficulties?
It helps in that I can sneak into places a human could not and watch people actually committing the crimes. They would never commit a crime in front of a fellow human but who would suspect a cat would be a detective? It's just too perfect. The difficulty comes when I can't tell people of my findings. That's where Bob, my Labrador friend and Joe that blasted annoying seagull help out, although Joe always looks for something in return, usually edible. Sometimes I have to shift the evidence to a more prominent place too, but that will be narrated in my later adventures. *cat wink*
Don’t you wink at me like that, I’m not a mouse and my owner’s a black belt so watch your furry ass. Anyway, you’re quite serious about your art - how would you describe yourself as an artist and would you like to be exhibited? Turner Prize perhaps?
It's a vocation, my dear. I need no recognition. I create because it's a part of who I am. Yes, it would be wonderful if somebody recognised my talents but nobody ever does. I'm seen as a silly cat, making a mess in the garden and ruining pansies rather than being seen as the talented artiste that I am.
You have a controversial friendship with Bob the Labrador, would you like to build more bridges with the dog/cat community?
No, I don't think so. Bob is a one-off. He's been around since I was a kitten and I love him like a brother but every other dog I know is vile.
Would you care to comment on your friendship with Ginger, are you really friends or is there the spark of romance ...
Ginger is a very beautiful, albeit a big boned tabby and I love being in her company. She needs to understand, however, that there is a whole city of beautiful tabbies out there for me to discover and...ahem...play with. I think she will be more of a sidekick in my stories than a love interest, although I'm sure she would say otherwise!
Why, yes! It's my raison d'etre now. And Lacey will keep writing about my adventures as long as people want to read them.
Well it was a pleasure to meet you Leger, you are a legend in the making. Now scram, because my owner’s coming and she’s got the space ball and I’m holding out for a sultana.