I've been a bit slack on the writing front lately because I've taken up a new hobby that gives me even more bruises than taekwondo …
I've been ‘shreddin’ the gnar’ folks. Yes indeed. A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about things that you didn't know about me: Beautiful Bloggers and one of those was ‘I have never been skiing.’ The other were having never eaten baked beans, on account of them being disgusting, and I’ve never been to Manchester.
Well, I’ve been to Manchester and I wasn't impressed. Admittedly, it was another God-awful date, but I’m still yet to be convinced. As I’m never, never going to eat a baked bean, ever, the only alternative was to take up skiing. But dear readers, I am a trend-setter! I wouldn't be seen dead on skis when there is snowboarding to be done. After all, I am a forty-something who is kidding herself that she is still down with the kids.
Off to my first lesson I went, to the glamorous town of Milton Keynes. Seriously, does a town need that many roundabouts? Let’s just say that my first lesson was a touch on the challenging side. It took me 45 minutes before I could stand up and I got snow leaking down my backside. I was so bad I failed the first level.
Never being one to look failure in the face, I persevered. By then I’d got the bug and bought some kit - on ebay of course. So looking more dapper and less snowboarding special needs, I managed to get though the next levels without ending up as raspberry jam at the bottom of the slope. Imagine that mixed with the snow, what a mess! And oh the hilarity that is the button lift. I’m actually more worried about that than I am going down the slope - when that thing jerks and pulls on your particulars, you chuffing know it!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not shredding any gnars yet, I’m still wobbly and I don’t so much as turn right as fall over. I've had some spectacular bruises and it’s a good job I have a generous rear end because I need the extra cushioning. There is one thing that tickles me though, the snowboarding lingo. For example, ‘shredding the gnar.’ What is a gnar, and how do we shred it? Does it involve the use of confidential documents, thus the need for a shredder? To normal people, that means going down a hill on a snowboard. And don’t get me onto crusin’ and grindin’ - I’m not that sort of woman! I do, apparently, ride a snowboard goofy, which in martial arts terms is, southpaw. In other words, I lead with my right foot, not my left. I always was an awkward so and so.
Like taekwondo a decade ago, I love snowboarding, but it’s going to take a bit of perseverance to get it right. It’s a bit like writing really, which is something I really ought to be cracking on with.